“Essentially, if our secrets are secrets because we are told to be ashamed, then we must share them. There is no shame in being sad or struggling or trying to heal. We are all desperate, depraved and sacred. We are all terrible and brillIant. I can list all the things that can make a girl want to escape her own body (re: patriarchy). But I’d rather list all the things that make me want to stay in my body, and adorn it like a home, rub oils into my skin, tell it how sorry I am for trying to leave, for trying to hurt it into submission.”
–Warsan Shire
“You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance — you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.”
–Daniell Koepke
Many of us are trying to make sense of the tragedy in Boston. I’ve seen the following quoted a few times recently, and I think it lends an important perspective.
(And, yes, Snopes verified that he said this. Honestly, though, who thought this was a fake Fred Rogers quote?)
Or as Robert Berg (@robwillb) tweeted: “Those who came to the victims’ aid & sent prayers from around the world far outnumber the perpetrators. Let that define the world for you.”
Yet, balance is essential. It’s important to recognize both those who help and those who hurt. But, as Jack Gilbert says in A Brief for the Defense, “To make injustice the only measure of our attention is to praise the Devil.”
Where do we put our attention, both collectively and as individuals? I wish well to everyone who struggles to find peace with this situation and to those who look for meaning in the wake of all the world’s tragedies.
“She did not need much, wanted very little. A kind word, sincerity, fresh air, clean water, a garden, kisses, books to read, sheltering arms, a cosy bed, and to love and be loved in return.”
–Starra Neely Blade
“[H]ave patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”
–Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903, from “Letters to a Young Poet”
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” –Audre Lord
What a lovely tradition of generosity.
“Right after the war, many gentlemen had lost everything they had, and couldn’t even afford coffee. Now, being that black hot liquid pleasure not considered a treat, but rather a basic human right in the life of any Neapolitan, those gentlemen who could still afford to have one, took a habit of paying for two: one they drank, the other was credited, to be had by the first less fortunate peer who would casually walk in the bar.”
Snopes.com confirms the Italian tradition of “caffee soppesso” (“suspended coffees” or “pending coffees”), drinks that can be later claimed by less fortunate patrons. It now seems that the goodwill tradition has spread to more that 150 cafés across Bulgaria.
“The donor and the recipient would remain anonymous to each other, to protect generosity, pride, and the pleasure of coffee beyond hardships.”
As a longtime fan of coffee, I fully support this tradition and would love to see it come to the United States.
“Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.”
–Augustine of Hippo
